Character God Desires

Character God Desires
1 Timothy 3:1-7
May 24, 2026

Tonight we continue our study in the 1st letter that Paul wrote to Timothy. You’ll remember that Timothy was given the responsibility by Paul to keep the church in Ephesus on the right course, grounding them in the right doctrine, and as we saw the last two weeks, giving directions on prayer and structure in the church.

The church was growing rapidly because of a great revival that broke out in Ephesus.

Because the churches were growing, they were also in need of good leadership, because certain men were teaching strange doctrines that were dangerous and needed to be confronted.

So in chapter 3, Paul now gives instructions to Timothy in regard to the qualities of character that leaders of the church should have in their lives. This is going to become absolutely essential if the church is to keep growing and stay out of the weeds. There are few things that trouble a church like having the wrong kind of leaders.

We all know of examples where the church has been shaken to the core when leaders go off the rails. The enemy is laser focused on leaders because the easiest way to hurt the local body is to trip up the leader. This should be a reminder for everyone to pray for spiritual leaders.

This list of qualities, however, is not just for those who aspire to be leaders, these are qualities of character that all of us should desire to have in our lives because they are what defines spiritual maturity.

Notice that this is not a list of education degrees, this list describes the content of character of spiritual maturity. The content of our character, ultimately, will determine the course of our lives.

Take heart, though. None of us are done growing. God most certainly hasn’t finished transforming us. All of us still have much to grow in. But don’t get disheartened. God is on the journey with us.

We should take hold of those things that transform our character, come in agreement with God’s Spirit and His will as we are transformed into the image of Christ and grow in spiritual maturity.

I. Be an Example of Character

• This should be true for all of us, not just for overseers in a church.
• If you’re a Christian living in the world, you should be an example of character.
• An overseer, however, must have character that is above reproach. In the Greek it literally means, “cannot be laid hold of.” In other words, there isn’t anything in his life that someone can lay hold of and accuse him of wrongdoing.
• The higher you move into leadership, the higher the expectation of being an example.

Illus – One cannot expect the same level of maturity and responsibility from a baby as from an adult. I cannot be frustrated with a baby if they were brought in through the garage door and didn’t close it. I cannot be frustrated with a baby of they did not clean up the building blocks from the floor. But I can be frustrated with a teenager that doesn’t take responsibility.

• When you are a baby in Christ there is not a lot of expectations on you. You are not in the public eye much; you have little or less high stakes responsibilities.
• One cannot stay a baby, though. It is unnatural and irritating when a primary school or high school student acts like a baby.
• In the same way, spiritually we are called for more, to grow spiritually, to grow strong in faith, to build our moral and character muscles, coming in agreement and taking hold of the word of God.
• As you grow, and as you take on higher leadership positions, inevitably people start to follow your example and look at how you handle yourself and situations, for example: usher, worship team, group leader, pastor.
• We need consistency in our lives so that we are the same at home or at work or at church. That doesn’t mean we should bring our ugly side out at church; it means that there is a godly In other words, what you see is what you get. Your behavior starts to naturally flow from who you are.
• Our character and godliness grows as we grow in God, grow in the word, and let His spirit change us,. This takes time. That is why Paul warns to not put a new believer in leadership.
• That being said, none of us are called to be perfect. We all make mistakes, but our natural dispositions must be aligned with the mind of Christ.

A. Be the husband of one wife

• This verse has met with some controversy as to what Paul specifically meant. Does it mean have one wife, but many mistresses?
• In the culture of Paul’s day, it was common for men to have mistresses, or to move from one wife to another if he was displeased for any reason.

Illus –  Being from Africa, I was once very surprised when speaking to a native pastor in our group of churches, where the culture of the tribe has infiltrated the church…

• With this, like in all things, culture should not define our behavior, but the word should be the highest standard we aspire to.
• It shows Christian maturity and Christian character to be different than the world. It honors God to honor your wife, because it is also a type and picture of the love between Christ and His bride.

Ephesians 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Hebrews 13:4, Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled;

Ephesians 5:31-32, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

• The meaning of Paul’s words is plain enough. “Be a one-woman man”.

B. Be temperate and prudent

• A person who is temperate is someone not given to extremes. Some people have extreme mood swings, or they’re super excited about something for about a week and then they’re on to the next super exciting thing.

Illus – I have seen young Christians set off with great fervor after a mountain-top high, wanting to live “fully” for God. But they misunderstand the context of what “fully” means. They think they have to be totally cut off from the world, only read their Bible, only be deeply immersed in spiritual things. Unfortunately, this is not sustainable and after a while that which they did for good becomes a yoke of works and religion which can become a stumbling block and a source of potential condemnation.

• A temperate person is steady and reliable.
• It shows wisdom and maturity to be able to stay committed to something in spite of the challenges and difficulties of staying committed.
• This is especially a problem in our microwave culture. God uses situations to grow our maturity.
• The opposite of temperance is impulsiveness. An impulsive person is ruled by their emotions rather than careful, prayerful consideration.

Illus – Impulsiveness is often attributed to people that are young. Teenagers are known for making impulsive decisions and ignoring the consequences. The idea in this verse is that temperance comes from maturity, especially spiritual maturity.

• Sometimes it is fun to be impulsive, but it must not be the guiding factor in your life. Count the cost. Be grounded in a steady faith.
• Paul refers to the spiritual journey as a race. But it is more of a marathon than a sprint.
• Jesus did not come to put a heavy spiritual burden on us. His yoke is light. He asks us to live a life of dependence on Him, inclined towards His heart, growing and standing steadfast in trusting Him. Find a consistent achievable rhythm in your spiritual life. Walk with Him day by day.
• This leads to us having to be prudent. mPrudence is using good and godly judgment in the decisions of life. God gives us wisdom and expects us to use it, and if we need more, He wants us to ask.

James 1:5, If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Proverbs 14:15-16, The naïve believes everything, but the sensible man considers the steps. A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a foolish man is arrogant and careless.

Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

II. Be Worthy of Respect

• A person who is a leader or an example should be worthy of respect by how they live their lives.
• The root of the word in Greek means to be orderly or proper and is translated as modesty in 2:9.
• The emphasis in that verse was speaking about a woman, but this would also apply to a man. For example, when speaking about outward appearance, a man should not dress with ostentatious displays of wealth. Why not? It shows a lack of understanding of internal worth. And people with godly values, don’t’ respect that.
• To be worthy of respect is to treat others with respect and then receive it in return. For example,

Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

• That principle would apply to many areas of our lives.

A. Be able to teach others

• Pastors and elders should be equipped in the Word of God to be able to teach others, but everyone should desire to grow in their faith and the knowledge of God’s word so they can teach others.
• In other words, we all need to be fed by the Word of God and continue to be equipped in it so that we’re continually growing in our knowledge of the word and our relationship to God.

2 Timothy 2:15, Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.

• God wants us to grow beyond just receiving the milk of the word so we can digest the meat of the word and have greater spiritual discernment and impact.

Hebrews 5:12, By this time you ought to be teachers, but you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food.

• In other words, we expect our kids to grow and God expects His kids to grow also.
• How do you grow? You grow by practicing something.

Illus – The golf legend, Gary Player, famously said, “the more I practice, the luckier I get.”

• The same is true with the word of God.

Hebrews 5:14, Solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Illus – Psychology echoes this when speaking about the power of repetition. “ Repetition builds habits. Repeat experiences lead to progress. As you repeat something over and over again, it becomes ingrained in your subconscious. allowing you to act on it without conscious effort. Whether you’re learning to play an instrument, speak a new language, or excel at a sport, repetition is key for building muscle memory and improving your performance. Every repetition brings you closer to your desired outcome.

• Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. You renew your mind, not God. You choose to align yourself with the mind of Christ.
• As you continue reading the word, repetitively, over and over, contemplating, meditating on it, talking about it, it starts to change you.

B. Win people, not arguments

• There are several qualities of character related to how we handle disagreements and conflicts with others.
• Don’t be ‘pugnacious,’ means ‘don’t be a brawler.’ If you have a leader who is a brawler, there is real trouble in the church. A more accurate translation may be the word bully.
• Bullying people is never God’s way. Instead, he says to be gentle. Treating others with respect, with kindness and gentleness, that is the fruit of the Spirit.
• He continues by saying that the man of God must not be contentious, or, in other words, don’t be argumentative.
• Some people seem to enjoy being difficult. Perhaps they enjoy the power that comes from being contentious; after all, it does get some people to do what they want, and they get negative attention through it.
• Here’s the problem; that’s a worldly principle; that’s not a biblical one.

2 Timothy 2:24-25, The Lord’s bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition,

Proverbs 26:21, Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

• I have found that when it comes to resolving conflicts and disagreements, there’s nothing so powerful as grace. A leader must lead, but it’s much more effective to use those things which God blesses.
• God does not bless contentiousness or being pugnacious.

2 Corinthians 10:3-4, Though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but are divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.

• Don’t react when you are angry. Calm down. Pray. Ask God to give you wisdom. First humble yourself and see if you reacted contrary to the word. Then with grace and love address the problem.

C. Be mastered by the Holy Spirit

• Then there are two more practical things Paul addresses. Another quality of godly character is that the man or woman of God is not addicted to wine. The word describes someone who sits long with the cup in the hand.
• Total abstinence was not required of believers. He repeats this when speaking of deacons, that they should not be given to much wine. Paul told Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach.
• What is important though is to do nothing that will make your brother stumble and be tempted. Because of this, in some instances some believers choose not to drink wine.
• The other one is love of money. I like the King James version that says, ‘not greedy of filthy lucre’. The pursuit of money should not be our goal.

Hebrews 13:5, Make sure your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never leave you, nor will I ever forsake you.”

• Do not be covetous. You can covet many other things that are not money. Fame, position, recognition.
• Our inheritance and worth are found in God and we should not be prideful because we have a better cabin on the Titanic; we should be humbled and thankful that we have a place in heaven.
• These things should not master over us. In fact, it is examples pointing to the principle that God does not want us to be mastered by anything except by Him.
• Growing in faith is not growing stronger in myself, it is me becoming less, weaker, and Christ and His character becoming more, stronger. Living more dependent on Him and what He has done.
• Our prayer should be, God grow me in character aligned with your character. Let Christ increase, and I decrease.