Healing Our Past Hurts

Healing Our Past Hurts
Ephesians 4:29-32
8/25/24

     Have you ever been hurt by someone before? I mean the kind of hurt that lingers in your memory? Probably just by me mentioning it, someone came to mind. What should you do when somebody really hurts you?

     I want to spend time talking about how God provides us with the solution to this question because it consumes people, yes even Christians. And when I mention the word, forgiveness, some may even cringe a bit when unresolved hurt exists.

     We’re talking about the kind of hurt that is not accidental and it’s not by mistake. What do you do in a situation like that?

     We’re going to look at some verses to help us, to guide us, to remind us this response on our behalf is not an option. But how do we be obedient and not do so begrudgingly?

Ephesians 4:25-32

I. God’s Model of Forgiveness

We’re going to focus on a couple of verses, beginning with v32 of our text.

I want to show you verses of scripture that answer the question, what should we do when we’ve been hurt like this?

Colossians 3:13, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

To sum it up in one word, what should you and I do when we’ve been hurt. In one word, forgive. This is the response that God is looking for from every one of us to every one that’s hurt us, regardless of what they’ve done to us.

A. The Lord sets us free from Vengeance

You and I both know don’t we, that the number one, first human reaction, is not to forgive. The first human reaction is to do the exact opposite.

Illustration – Muhammad Ali

The three R’s – That’s the normal reaction of the human spirit; resentment, reproach and retaliation.

Proverbs 24:29, Do not say, “Thus I shall do to him as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.”

If you’ve really been hurt bad by somebody; a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a father, a mother, somebody at work, a boss – let’s be really honest with each other. You want revenge.

It’s true isn’t it that often the first thing you and I feel, Christian or not, towards people who hurt us, is in stark contrast to that which God tells us here in Colossians; Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you. We must reconcile that in our lives.

Illustration – Nike exit

Romans 12:19, Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

B. Our will is stronger than feelings

So I want to talk to you about some practical questions about forgiveness. Pastor Rich helped free me from my bitterness and God took over from there.

How do we do this? What’s it all about? What is forgiveness anyway? How can you make this real in your lives like I did.

First of all, what is forgiveness anyway? We talk about it a lot, but what really is it? Forgiveness is an act of the will.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. It is an act of the will. It is a conscious volitional decision that you and I make that we’re going to do something, we’re going to let that other person off the hook. We’re going to absolve that other person.

We’re going to dig a six foot hole and we’re going to take what they did to us and put it in that hole and then we’re going to cover that hole back up with dirt and we’re going to put a tombstone on top of it and we’re going to declare it dead and gone forever.  That’s forgiveness!

Forgiveness means that I purpose to make up my mind to do three things.

• Never bring it up again to God.
• Never bring it up again to that other person.
• Never bring it up again to myself.

That’s forgiveness – it means to burn the bill of particulars.

I’m not asking you to say what they did to you was Okay. What they did to you was not Okay. It hurt you. What I’m asking you to say is what they did to you wasn’t Okay at that time.  It wasn’t Okay then, but because I’ve forgiven them it no longer consumes me. That’s forgiveness.

It is not a feeling, it is an act of the will. We make up our mind to do this. If you wait till you feel like forgiving, you will never forgive. But, you can make up your mind to forgive another person.

II. Forgiveness Is Not Optional

Why should I? I don’t want to forgive.

1. Because God commands us.

Colossians; does it say,  please, if you would be so kind and if it agrees with you and if you would be willing to see if it’s possible to do me a special favor…

God says forgive the way the Lord forgave you.

Do you see any of that other stuff there? I don’t and you know why, because this isn’t a suggestion and it’s not a request, it’s a command.  So, if you’re a Christian, forgiveness is not optional. It’s required. God says we are to bear with each other and we are to forgive one another as the Lord forgave you. So the first reason I can give you; why you and I should forgive, simply because Jesus Christ commands us to.

2. There’s a second reason and it’s related to the fact that many people, when I tell them that say, but you don’t understand, they don’t deserve to be forgiven. I mean they don’t deserve to be granted that.

Example: The Sunflower, written by a Jewish author, named Simon Wiesenthal

A. Forgive as the Lord forgave you

So why should you? Here’s reason #2 in Colossians 3, it says forgive as the Lord forgave you.

I wish God had never said that because He didn’t just say forgive. I could have said well the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. I’m not doing it, but when He says, forgive as the Lord forgave me then I have a problem because when Jesus Christ died on the cross and paid for my sin I didn’t deserve to be forgiven either.

So if God’s telling me to forgive the way the Lord forgave me, that’s what that means. It doesn’t matter whether a person deserves to be forgiven. I forgave you, Jesus said, when you didn’t deserve to be forgiven. Now what I’m asking you to do is to forgive that other person. Maybe they don’t deserve to be forgiven according to you.

If you’re with us and you haven’t asked Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior and you’re trying to get to the place where you’re deserving enough to be forgiven – forget it – it’s not going to happen.

You can do all the good works you want to do, but you will never reach the place, that in the sight of a holy God, you deserve to be forgiven.

The neat thing about Christianity is Jesus Christ died on the cross and forgave your sin when you didn’t deserve to be forgiven. And He’s offering to keep on forgiving you even though you don’t deserve to be forgiven. All He’s asking you to do is give up trying to be deserving and just let Him forgive you, just accept what He’s offering if you’ve never done that.

Now for those of us who are Christians and who know what that means and who have experienced that forgiveness, now God says to us, now it doesn’t matter whether anybody deserves to be forgiven or not. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Jesus said freely you’ve received, now freely give and it applies to a lot of things, but forgiveness is one of them.

B. Resist roots of bitterness

3. To do anything for other people differently will mess up your life.

Hebrews 12:15, See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

What does He mean that if bitterness grows up in our life not only will it cause us trouble but it will defile.

Many of you know what that means, it means that when we become bitter, all the joy in our life drys up, not only will our relationship with God dry up, not only will our own ability to be healthy, whole people dry up, that will happen. 

But beyond that we become those kind of people, we are going to defile lots of other people like our children and our children’s children and people at work and friends who have relationships with us – the bitterness is going to mess up all kinds of other people.

So, one, obey God, two, honor God and three, we will keep our lives out of a lot of trouble and keep a lot of other people’s lives out of a lot of trouble.

C. Obedience takes the poison out of the wound

How do I do this when the hurt is so deep that I don’t know how to forgive?

How do you forgive? Remember forgiveness is an act of the will. It’s not a feeling, it’s an act of the will. It’s something you can make up your mind to do and what I have learned is, I must make up my mind before God that I’m going to forgive. Maybe at a moment in time, I can’t do it 100%, but I make up my mind I want to forgive and I am going to forgive by the grace of God. I want forgiveness to happen in my life.

Isaiah 1:19, “If you consent and obey,
You will eat the best of the land;

You know what I found? God Himself honors that and God heals and God gives you the ability to forgive. You might say how does He do it? I don’t know. All I know is when I make up my mind to obey and honor God, by forgiving, God gives me the power to forgive.

Jeremiah 7:23, But this is what I commanded them, saying, ‘Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people; and you will walk in all the way which I command you, that it may be well with you.’

God forgave you when you were undeserving. You want to honor God and live a healthy functional life for God. You come to a place where you make up your mind. God I’m going to forgive, for the life of me I don’t know how. God, you take care of that, will you help me.  You’ll see stuff happen in your life.

Testimony – Our pastor early on in our marriage was a born-again Jew in Virginia.

How did God do that in his life, I can’t tell you.  But when he made-up his mind in obedience to God, he said, “God took the poison out of the wound.”